~~This Time It's Different by Evans Blue~~

Language Barriers?

Sunday, October 14, 2012

~~A Real, True Love: Life Post~~

It seems I hit 5,000 views without noticing. My milestone. It came without realization, without celebration, without a party. Without a special post. I spent Saturday night playing Slender with my friends Patience, Fatum, and Sun-Jung, who came home with me after school. I spent that day with friends and happiness and laughter and light. I spent that day not alone. Today, I got the shopping done for Ted's birthday, even buying a book for myself entitled The Many Shades of BDSM. Hm. Seemed like a good buy, so I picked it up. I really am entranced by that world these days--ever since I found Literotica.com, I've been learning as much as I can about that practice. I know I'm addicted to it, and I know I'm submissive.

After, I spent the day online, escaping from the world. I don't care about anything these days. Not school. Not homework. Not anime. Not Minecraft, even. Never did care much, really......About anything.

I'm wondering if this is a bad thing.

I know I don't care much about this blog any more....I'm sorry, kiddies, but....Numbness, and all. I'll try to keep up the farce of caring. Time is just slipping though, and it seems like......I can't even pretend any more.

I can't even smile sometimes. It's hard, but whenever I'm alone....I fade away. I'm faded away now.....Everything could just end I know I wouldn't care. God, I almost wish it would end, so I could be left alone....

I've forgotten what it means to care and to love. I keep up the farce, but for some time now it seems like even that doesn't matter. I never even speak in class, and now I stop bothering to do homework. I still see my friends and I'm still happy, but I can just not think or care about them for days at a time.

I'm slipping....

Into what, I don't know.

Oh, god, I'm scared.

I don't want to fade away......

But it seems like I will.

Apathy runs in my veins. I can't breathe any more, and in the Mansion things are quiet. Nothing is happening.

Please. Someone. Do something.

Break me out of this silence.

Before I fade away.

I want a real, true love.

Heart-stopping. Knee-shaking. I want that love. I know I had it before, I know I have a chance of having it again, but I can't!!!! I can't feel!

I'm so scared. I want to get out of this!

I want to be happy!!!!!!


I want to live.......

No comments: