~~This Time It's Different by Evans Blue~~

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Saturday, December 31, 2011

Now What?--Life Post

I have no idea......It's New Year's Eve dudes, and this is probably the last post in 2011 I will write. How long ago was my first post? I lost track of time....

So much has happened since this blog began.

Dylan, Emily, Tolga, Alexander, and now Shade....

How many times have I wept while writing these posts?

How many times have I screamed?

How many times have I begged to die?

I don't think I want to know....

How many times have I laughed?

How many times have I grinned?

How many dreams have been recorded in these posts?

I wouldn't mind finding out one day....

I love having this blog.

I love all of you for reading it.

So many times I've wondered whether or not to post certain things--they have always been...relatively private. My family barely knows any of the things I have posted on here.....And quite a few I hope they never find out about. Online relationships are something they do not believe in....

Would they understand any of the things I have gone through?

I doubt it......My father is the only one that knows I'm bi. Or at least I think so--he's the only one I told myself. He could have mentioned it to my mother and my brother probably knows from my profile on Facebook, but.....I don't really know. I'd rather not make a production in real life--online is all I need.

So right now......I'm drifting in silence, wondering what happens next.

I have been through so much lately.....

So freaking much.......

But I have lived through every last bit of it. I have begged Simon not to die, I have lost games of MW3 against Domenic, I have worn a ballgown in group chat, I have fought over Pocky and chilled in an Emo Corner......My life is..amazing.

I am so lucky to have this life.......I will never know what might have happened to me without this online world of mine. Would I be better off?

I doubt it.......

At the very least, I would be very different. Less dramatic, maybe more social.....

Or maybe even less social.

I doubt I would be who I am today without everything I have gone through online.

My resolutions for the New Year: Be more social in real life. Never get too deeply involved online again. Tie up loose ends. Find ways to end a few lies.

Well kiddies........I did hit my goal of over a thousand views in 2011.

I'm gone dudes--LOVE YOU!

Hey............--Life Post

It's me.....

Been a while, eh?

And, as you may have guessed from the massive amount of changes done to the site, Wolf and I are over.


I could be better kiddies.......Could be a lot better.

Oh can you do me a favor?

Like my page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/If-writing-isnt-a-sport-someone-WILL-be-hurt-xD/220897971321807

KK thanks......

I'm gonna go.....



Shattered, broken, torn
Nothing left to say
I can't even speak
Can't even cry
My Wolf is gone
But he is not
I belong to another
But I don't
What's wrong with me?
I don't even know
Now I've seen him and his new boyfriend
Together in group chat
Why did he do that?
Why did he bring in his boyfriend?
When he knew I was there?
Why am I such a drama queen?
Is there a sign on my back saying:
"Come get me
"I cause trouble."?!
I don't freaking know......
I just.....
I just need out of here....
I just need
The accursed
Games of suicide
To stop
The drama
To end
And me
To finally be left
Now I'm crying.....
Wondering why I'm still here
If there's anything left
But I don't think there truly is
Wolf had loved me....
But not in the way I love him.....
He was gay...
And he had only dated me
Because Simon had begged him to
So I could be kept safe from Tolga
So right now......
Five people I know of love me
And my Goth Boy
All five want to date me
Most know how hurt I am
All want to give me time
But I know none of them will
Out of all of them I choose Shade
If I do not choose her.....
She will die tomorrow night
By her own hand
There are more reasons
For that than me
And I know I could save her
If I had enough heart left to care
But I do not
Call me cold
Call me empty
Call me dead
But either way....
I'm alive
I'm diamond
I cannot be broken.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Skype Moments--Life Post

This is entertaining......My friend borrowed my laptop and right now he's on cam with a freaking model.....O.o This dude is hot....And flirty. It is actually so much fun to listen to those dudes on cam together...And now Alex is home from work early!! YAYZ!

*Does a happy dance.*

My friend Liam is so freaking hilarious right now....And now the guy he's on cam with is dancing and omg I actually so wish I could see right now. It's freaking hilarious......

Sorry for being offline again for as long as I was. I don't mean to go MIA. It just happens kiddies...

It's freaking Christmas break dudes!

I can't be bothered to post sometimes.......And my creativity hasn't been doing too good lately...I was actually surprised I could manage to write that handful of acrostic poems earlier. I've started about four or five, but never managed to finish 'em....I'm sorry!!!

I'm gonna freaking change topic dudes....Head back to Alexander.

I made something for him.

For My Wolf <3

Yeah I know you can barely hear me, it was the freaking webcam......Just turn the volume way up okay?

Sorry about that--anywho.....He loves the video!!! He adores it and he says he's going to make one for me, even though I won't be able to see it...Still not wanting to risk losing me because of how pale he is. And I guess he's got other reasons too....

But......I wish I could see!!! And I wish I could see Simon and Jack and now the newest addition Lucifer....One picture guys!! Please I'm begging you......

And apparently he looks like Alex Evans, except with prettier eyes....OMG *faints.* That is amazing!! I'm marrying someone who looks like Alex Evans!! If you have no idea who that is go to google images and search it, you will be so glad you did.

Yes I haz a crush on Alex Evans don't you dare bug me about it.....

If you do not think Alex Evans is hot you have problems dudes.

I have no idea what to do right now....

But oh well x3

At least Alex is on, and he's having trouble finding good music....

Wait I think he just finished.....~

:D I'm still happeh even though I can't see it.

Okay he's finishing it, apparently I think he might have chosen Savior by Black Veil Brides to put in the video. So yay. x3

LMFAO Liam just sent a text to a random stranger accidentally saying: Grace drew another picture of you and me naked in the bathroom stall together.....

It was supposed to go to the model he's on cam with but still O.o It was the absolute best texting fail ever.

Anywho.....I love that I can basically say and do whatever I want and you kiddies will have to deal with it.

Heehee.....I should write a poem right now though.

I have the feeling I need to, don't I?

Well see ya....I'm gonna try and think of one to write.


Show Me, Wedding--Wait What??, Coffeh: A Drug


So I still don't know your face.....But love I'm marrying you!
How can you deny your future wife a request like this?
Okay, okay, I know why you won't show me one.....
When we're married, though, you know I need to see the man I'm spending my life with

My love, please trust me, please believe that it won't change a thing, and well....
Even though I may never see your face, I love you more than I can ever say


We're engaged! Even though it's only online, this is massive
Even though I haven't met you yet I know this was the right choice
Don't doubt for a second that I need you in my life, but....
Do you have any idea what happens at a wedding and how to plan it?
I honestly have no idea....And haven't you been engaged three times before?
Now, this is the first time this has happened to me.....
Great....Now can someone tell me what the heck I have to do?

We never really got the chance to fully talk about our relationship...
And now look at us, we're engaged!
I'm spending the rest of my life with you.......And I'm not that scared
Truthfully I believe that I'm really ready for this....

Well I'm still so not sure what to do, what to say....

How is this supposed to go? I need to find that out fast....
Ah well, I guess you know what you're doing, so I'll trust you, but I need to know....
There will be a wedding night, right.....?


Cold air breezes through the room, it's time to get up
"Out of bed" does not sound appetizing at all.....
Floors are always so cold, the blankets are so warm
Folded around me so tight are miles of soft, warm cloth
Even though I know I have to, I don't wanna leave my warm bed
However, hearing something, I leap from it excitedly

A gurgling has begun! A sound so inviting

Doggedly I untangle from the blankets, scamper to the kitchen
Resting there on the counter is the glorious coffee machine
Under its maw is a wonderful cup: The first cup of the day
Gently I sip from it, and I am officially conscious.

Monday, December 26, 2011

OMG He Left Me Alone...--Life Post At Two Thirty AM

Okay so right now it's a bit after two thirty.....More like three am. I'm still fully conscious. It's Christmas night and for some reason I'm still awake.......................Jeez what am I doing????? No one's online that I usually chat wiff........Which is another reason, kiddies, that you guys need to start messaging me.

Well I'm gonna fill ya in on the title, then head to bed.

I was on chatango for a while, not talking to anybody, but online nonetheless. And a random guy from New Zealand starts talking to me. He asks me how I am, and I tell him torn between happy and sad. He responds with single, horny, and bored. I tell him I'm engaged, depressed, and excited to be married.

And he tells me he'll leave me to it and then stops talking to me.....

I'm amazed here. Most of them give it a pretty good shot, refusing to leave for maybe twenty minutes. I've been forced to block a handful, they bugged me so bad....Other times I just stop talking to them, and they eventually get the idea. One of them actually spent an hour yelling at me when I refused to let him touch me. I didn't block him and I actually spent that hour laughing my butt off--twisting his words around, making him laugh at himself....Wasn't a bad way to spend a while.

I usually don't have to block them.....I don't mind a couple. Those few I don't mind have gotten it into their minds that I'm more fun as a friend than anything else, so they stick 'round, even though they know I won't do anything but flirt a little for the heck of it.

I don't count flirting as much of anything.....It's not something I pay attention to actually.

Well..I'm going to go to bed now. It's late and I'm really tired.... D:

Sleep well and I hope you guys had an amazing Christmas!!!!

Sunday, December 25, 2011


Drifting through the days, wandering, wondering why
Did I mean for any of this to actually occur?
Did I truly desire this, or was this all a lie?
For me, is he Him, and for him, am I Her?
Are we both wrong? Both making a mistake we can't undo?
Or are we both right, and we are meant to be?
Despite not knowing each other for long, could our feelings be true?
Was this right or wrong? And will it cause agony?
Either way, does it matter anymore? We can't turn back
Or can we? Is it really too late to change our minds?
We could run and hide, put this plan on the rack
Will the years shatter the ties that bind?
Was this the right thing to do? I guess we'll have to wait and see
Right now, all of this is nothing but a 'maybe'


I Gotz A New Babeh!!!--Life Post

Okay okay kiddies...I am so happeh and yup I AM posting on Christmas Day!!! Even though I was pretty sure I wouldn't be able to, here I am dudes! And I'm gonna tell ya all about the engagement...

It was an accident I swearz...I didn't actually mean to propose. And the file containing the engagement is on the other laptop....Chatango saves all of the messages on your own computer, and it's over there and I'm over here and my old baby is all greasy.....

So I'll do it from memory.

Simon and me were talking and I was running out of things to say. So this happened....

"Hey, I wanna marry your brother, do you think he'd mind?" I said that kinda jokingly, not sure whether or not I meant it.

"Wha? *Surprised*" Simon said back, definitely as shocked as I was that I had just typed those words.

"I'm serious...." I say back, but was I? That I'm honestly still trying to figure out....

After that, Simon starts urging me to propose, telling me to come on and say it already. Pop the question and make my move.

Meanwhile, I'm with Alexander. We're talking, and then we start dancing together, holding each other tight, smiling. And his replies start getting shorter and farther in between while Simon's do the same, and I'm yelling at Simon with my heart beating so freaking fast begging him to tell me what he believes Alexander'll say.

And then....

"*Swallows, heartbeat racing, trying to keep the blush out of my cheeks as I let you lead me in the dance* Did...Did Simon mention to you what him and I are talking about...?" I ask, and god kiddies I was so nervous....

"Yes, why? *Grins.*"

"*Falls over.* Oh screw it will you marry me?"

"I'm unsure about in real life. But I will gladly marry you online for now."

"Best. F**king. Christmas. Eve. EVER <3."

So kiddies....We're looking good so far! And tomorrow is our one month aniversary......

And kiddies........I'll start giving a few quotes from our best and brightest moments.

"*Jerks back hard when I realize something, almost falling off the bed. Looks at you with very wide eyes.* You're the one I'm spending the rest of my life with....." I wasn't really able to believe that at all....Could he really be the one I'm going to be with forever?

"Yup. Welcome to hell. JK." His joking response, I'm pretty sure he was thinking the same things I was.....

Not long after this happened....

"So, you really want to spend the rest of your life with me?" Me, refusing to believe he could care that much.

"Yes." No way!!! Not true.......Or could it really be true?

"Are  you insane....?" He's gotta be crazy! I suck.

"No I'm not. The talking butterfly told me I wasn't." Haha. Of course he'd respond like that....

So....Am I happeh with the way this turned out? I'm freaking engaged at fourteen dudes!!! Happy, scared, nervous...I'm all of those. Not blissfully happy about this, but content and actually really wanting this.

I'm just talking to my entire gang, some of them are excited, but most are scared for me and one or two are mad as hell. And a lot of my guy friends are wondering if they should be jealous or something, but I told them not to bother with that. And well....I'm gonna be okay kiddies.....But I'll just get through everything. All of this hell will pass, and maybe the heaven will be with Alexander.

My parents won't find out. My family won't find out.

Not for a long time.

The online wedding is scheduled for the spring. And I'm looking forward to it--it will be a group chat window and Simon is gonna teach me how to get more used to group chat.

And it'll be a double with Simon and Spice!!! It's going to be amazing....

The real life...Won't be for years.......

Which is insanely good news.

I still don't know him well....

But he promised me he would visit me. He didn't say when but he swore he would. And, when he will, he'll come with a ring and do the traditional down on one knee proposal.

So I'm going to get engaged twice, plan two seperate weddings, get married twice, and have two wedding nights. All to the same guy. Well........The best things always come in pairs!

I gotz to go kick ass as an assassin. Bye kiddies...


Saturday, December 24, 2011

I'm In Shock........Merry Christmas Eve!--Life Post

I'm freaking engaged to be married!!!!!!!











Well alright then................I can't believe this is happening kiddies......I'm hyperventilating right now, beyond happy......

How is is happening to me?

*Falls over, but still happeh* We're engaged guys! So everybody who was wanting me, who was expecting me to be theirs, who thought they OWNED me.....HAHA BUH-BYE BABY!

Well kiddies....Can you blame me for having to go quickly?

Sorry, but I will post more later....I just need to go tackle the guy I'm spending the rest of my life with and make sure that he is the one I want. The ONLY one I want.

Love you all and have an amazing Christmas!!!

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Oh Bugger Off >.> --Life Post

RELATIONSHIP ISSUES: Barely over Dylan (my Savior who I coulda sworn was the One), SNAP here's Emmy to shatter my world, three months later boom she's gone, here comes Tolga POW he changes everything for good, and like lightning in the night here's Wolf! And, just like the noise Rice Krispies make, here come the others wanting my attention.....Wtf go away can't you see I haven't had a single f**king second to heal?!?!

My f**king status on Facebook....I'm almost in tears.......Because of Emily....My Emily!!! And now Amber, who I am now technically dating even though we BOTH have boyfriends who we love very much, are talking about Tolga...Aka King. Dudes this is freaking insane just get the heck away from me!!! Oh god kiddies.......I started quoting him.....

I can still quote him even though he blocked me almost a month ago. Huh....Time sure does act strangely......Some moments with Emmy, the best and worst moments in particular, were either seconds or years.......The (holy sh*t it was only three days!!!!) time with Tolga felt like it could have lasted for months......And it feels like it was only yesterday that I was in grade eight.

:P Topic change! Kirby Dance, Let's Go..... (>^.^>)(<^.^<)(>^.^)><(^.^<)

Hey kiddies did I ever show you a pic of Tolga? The random Kirby Dance thing was stolen from his profile on chatango...........Which reminds me: Tolga ^^ Have a link to his profile!!! *Cough*sendhatemail*coughcough* Oh crud I must be sick still..........Oh cheese it's happening again! *Cough*Don't*coughcough*tellhim*coughcough*it'saboutme*coughcoughcough*. Oh what an embarassing cough I have.........Wait crud! *Cough*actually*coughcoughCOUGHGAGcough*tellhimit's*coughcough*aboutme*cough*Iwannasee*cough*ifhe*cough*remembers.*Cough.* Oh thank god I think my coughing fit is over :3

That really didn't work online, now did it? Okay you kiddies know what I meant....

Holy cow this is a random post........

Well oh well....I love you dudes!!

Could I actually hit one thousand blog views by 2012? I really hope I can kiddies......Help me!!! I wanna hit that high a number.......Come on kiddies let's get more blog views!!!

Kirby Dance, Let's Go..... (>^.^>)(<^.^<)(>^.^)><(^.^<)

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

A Final Poem for Emily

I'm not the one who broke you
I'm just the one who left
I just couldn't save you
So of love I left you bereft
Don't cry baby, please don't cry
I didn't want to hurt you
Don't make me be the one to make you die
What I felt for you was true
You found the poem I made
Didn't you realize it was a vent?
You were never played
The hatred was never meant
So won't you just let me drift away?
Let me drift away......?

Whoops--Life Post

Jeez I hope I don't have to go to school tomorrow....I don't think I can take it. Let's just say that the sickness went from coming out the mouth to coming out somewhere else...... >.> On a less gross note...Okay gross of a different kind....I gotz info for ya.

My friend Mohammed--yup one of the guys I cheated on Wolf with--believes I have feelings for him. Uh...EW! Dudes he's eighteen but he looks like he's thirty.... >.> SO not my type. Besides I've got a feeling he wouldn't be any fun for me to be with.

Oh dudes....I am so sowwy!!!!!

My email has been refusing to open....So if you guys have been emailing me and I haven't replied I ish sowwy!!! I ish so sowwy......I'll try it on a different computer soon as I finish this post. Aw kiddies...I also haz info I forgot to mention until now...A published author has my blog link so HI!!!!

Aha wellz...Imma go check my emails now so see ya!

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Illnesses--Life Post

Hey kiddies...Me again, obviously. Jeez I've been MIA for a while haven't I? Whoops, sorries....Didn't mean to leave you guys alone for so long. You know I wuv ya!!! But that didn't stop me from going missing, now did it?

Well...Now to attempt to catch ya up. As ya might have guessed from the title of this post I've been sick. Well, I was throwing up for all of yesterday--first time I've been sick in years. :/ I'm better now though--which is why I'm able to post on here again. And the days I was MIA before I got sick? Uhhh.......Don't have an excuse for those days. I'm seriously sorry my loves....Can ya forgive your darling blogger for forgetting about you guys for as long as I did? :( I hope you can.....Well how do I even try to catch you dudes up? I don't really know...Been a week hasn't it? Or something like that.....I don't even know today's date! Wait...It's Tuesday right??? Maybe? I think? I don't even know that....

Well....I'll try to catch you all up. I'm probably gonna break up with Wolf....I know.....I know.......I have my reasons. I'm not getting anything I want with him. He won't cyber with me, refuses to show me a pic because of how pale he looks, and he didn't even seem to want to visit me this summer because of how afraid he was. Damn this I'm being freaking selfish aren't I? But jeez...Kiddies you know how much I've been through!!! You know how much I've been hurt. I've been so alone.....I rarely hear from Wolf, he almost never keeps his promises, and even when he's online we never talk a lot. Kiddies I can't take this anymore....I know! I know I'm heartless. I know. Hate me if you want but I quit. It's not working. It's just not working anymore.....

There are, of course, a lot of other reasons behind me wanting to break up with Wolf. I did it again loves. Cheated again. My friend Saquan Jack and I got to a few messages from going all the way, my other friend Mohammed and I made out, and I also kissed my friend Amber. All of this was online. Oh and by the way...Amber is in love with me. She's on my bus kiddies, and I've known her for years. We used to go to the same school. Well at least she MIGHT be in love with me. She told me she's still trying to figure it out. So if I break up with Wolf I will have people who want to make me theirs.Mohammed, Saquan, Amber, Stephanie, Helena.....So I don't know what to do anymore loves. Aw kiddies...Couldn't you just kill me? It'd simple a lot of this world up. I can't handle this anymore loves....I just can't.......

Well kiddies......Here are the ones I want to be with: Saquan and Amber. Either one of those I would be happy with. I know I would be happy with them....I would love them very much. Saquan is sweet, kind, funny, handsome, and he wants to move in with me in five years after he finishes college. He lives in South America, and personally I believe he's insane: You live in Trinidad and Tobago and you wanna move to Canada?!  Dude stay there I'll move in with YOU. Canada is freaking cold man! Oh and speaking of Canadian weather it looks like it's gonna be a green Christmas. *Starts fighting not to cry.* This is shaping up to be the second green Christmas I've had to live through. There's pretty much no snow out there kiddies, and Christmas is on Sunday, not too long from now. But..but...but....It's not Christmas without snow!

Ah wellz......I'll have to deal with it.......And yeah I am leaning towards Saquan. He's an awesome guy. He wants me to break up with Wolf because he says he's a waste of my time, and he's right. Wolf isn't worth this.

Aw kiddies....I just don't know anything anymore.....

I'll live.......

Bye for now!

Thursday, December 15, 2011


So kiddies....The mystery of Wolf's non-existent pic has been solved...Check out this message he sent me: 

"*Takes your hand and sighs.* In all honesty, I'm a gothic pale-as-a-ghost freak. I don't want you to see me because I don't like being so pale. I will show you a picture, but only when I'm not looking like this okay? I love you, don't hate me for this."

Well....I guess that makes sense...I guess I can understand why......But.......DUDE I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE PALE!!!

Wolf you freaking fool, I love you so much it kills me. It kills me. I love you Alexander. I LOVE YOU! Why don't you see that I don't care if you're pale? Please.....Show me your face...Please....

Well....Kiddies.............I can accept that.....I guess.....But...not happily at all.......

Kiddies......I don't know anything any more. I love Wolf but I haz confession.....I gotz a crush on my friend Domenic........*Lowers my head in shame.* And if it comes to a choice between Wolf and Domenic...Let's just say that it had better not come to that. Domenic knows I like him........But PLEASE don't ever feel that way about me dude......

Well...He will......I'm kinda loveable if you haven't noticed yet.....

I wonder what'll happen in five years. One of my friends, Jack, wants to live with me in five years. He lives in South America, and he really wants to live with me. And one of my friends, Mohammed, is moving to Canada for University or College to stay with a friend of his. And Domenic...Might be coming here too....And let's really hope that Wolf and my lil buddy Simon can come up to Canada over the summer.....

Looks like Canada is getting a few more tourists, eh?

I feel loved.....

Well....I need to go my loves....

Sorry for being kinda MIA for a while....I haven't had much time to think, much less post.

I wuvverz ya all!

Upon My Honor

I need to let go
I need to drift away
I died so long ago
I can't fake this another day
Upon my honour I am weak
Upon my honour I cannot stand
Someone you should seek
Someone else who might understand
I need to die
I just can no longer give
Upon my honour I do not lie
I have nothing more to give
So won't you just let me slip away?
Never to return until a brand new day?

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

What's Wrong With Being Weird?

Do a little dance kid
Sing a quick song
Tip your hat to me, ain't nothing to be hid
There t'ain't nothing wrong!
Give your hips a lil wider sway
Annihilate the things ya hate
You got nothing to do today
So why bother to wait?
Sing lil dude
Blow us a kiss
Don't bother worrying about being rude
Nothing wrong with this
We're the ones who're weird
And we're the ones who oughta be feared

I Mean Nothing To You--But I Used To Be Your World

Turning your back to me
You start to stalk away
But hey....Why won't you see
That I won't live if you're gone away?
Wasn't I your world before?
But you ignore me and walk on
Come on, please don't close that door!
But...All the stars that had shone
Why are they dark now?
Why am I alone again?
Didn't you promise to make this work somehow?
But you're leaving now, so then....
I guess this is goodbye
Why did 'I love you' need to be a lie......?

Why Can't We Just Admit It?

You call me a freak
Tell me I'm wrong
I am, but you're the one who's meek
At least I admit I'm strong
I stand on my own, watch you die
Watch everything burn around me
I wasn't the one to lie
But I was the one to enjoy the agony
You know we're the same
So why deny this?
Don't bother with the shame
Let the knife give them a kiss
Just let yourself feel
You know the end is the only thing real

Why Can't We Just Sleep Forever?

The world we created
The world that died
Everything is desiccated
Who among us haven't lied?
Lying here in the dust
Unneeded knives still in our hands
The machinery begins to rust
We speak a language no one understands
None of us can be trusted
Blame and accusations soar
Every fact we've adjusted
Who's left to lock the door?
Why can't we just sleep forever?
We just need to start this over

Monday, December 12, 2011

Marriage?!--Life Post and HOLY COW Moment

Um.......Simon says that Wolf might pop the question.

Might ask me to marry him.

And....He might do it SOON......

With marriage on all our minds because of Simon and Spice getting married, it kinda makes sense that he might want to be engaged. Might stop me from cheating--even though I assure you that it is accidental--and reassure him that I am his. Which could be useful.......

And....If he can come up for visits during the summer--which he might be able to, he is rich and he definitely has a passport and most likely a driver's license/cash for plane tickets--we could seriously make it work. We really could. And we've already come close to cybering.....-_-' So.....Yeah we'd seal the deal.

I don't know if I'm gonna say yes if he does ask but......There are some requirements I have for even dating me.

1. TWO emailed pictures MINIMUM, including one of you and today's newspaper, nudity not desired
2. I have to be able to talk to someone who knows you in real life at the same time that I'm talking to you
3. I have to have blog views from YOUR COUNTRY when YOU are viewing it
4. Facebook accounts are DEEPLY desired
5. Be ready to be naughty--some skill at it is useful
6. Reply to me swiftly--as in less than a five minute wait for a response
7. Be on pretty much daily for AT LEAST a half hour
8. Let me have my freedom somewhat
9. GUARANTEE a visit within SIX MONTHS of us starting to date
10. NEVER ask me to do stuff with you on webcam.

Those are all of the requirements I've got.......

So far Wolf fits number two.............

Dylan fit eight. He only missed out on numbers seven and nine.

Emmy? Erm....Not sure actually........

Tolga? He hit five, six, and seven.

Anyone else I'm forgetting? Nope...That oughta be it......

So far it ain't looking like it's going to go in Wolf's favor here guys.....

But........I'm gonna see what I can do....I'm not leaving him.......

Not ever.


Not going to be engaged at fourteen.

Not going to be married at sixteen. (Which would be marriageable age in my province, but I would also need to obtain parental permission and I doubt I'd get it.)

And anyways...........Do I really want to spend the rest of my life with him?

I don't know, kiddies.....

I just don't know....

Sunday, December 11, 2011

With Apologies to Adonis......--BEST. VIDEO. I. KNOW.

Jae...If you ever find this...I LOVE YOU!!!! <3

WHAT IN THE NAME OF GOD DID YOU DO!?!?!?!?!--Life Post @ Readers






You guys are AMAZING!!!! You can NOT understand how much I LOVE you guys right now....How much I adore you! How much I OWE you guys!!!

But...What in the name of God did you guys do?! How did my humble little blog be read by so many?! Can someone explain this to me, please?

But..I love you guys so amazingly much............I love you! IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou!!! *Is done now--but only because I'm out of breath.* You can't believe how shocked I was when I read my stats......Guys this is amazing! You made my day!!! I ran out of my room, tackled my mom with a hug, and did the same to my dad when he walked in the door...I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!

Time for a special treat.....


I Don't Wanna Replace My Baby....--Life Post :'(

I'm getting a new laptop today kiddies! Don't know what kind yet though..........I'll have to see what kind of things I want in it. And my laptop needs to be replaced.....It's been glitching pretty much daily, some of the keys don't work too good........And besides some of the files need to be 'lost'. I've written some idiotically bad stories I wouldn't mind seeing go 'poof'. And the replacing won't happen until Christmas....But I'm not looking forward to it.


My entire life is on here! I've had my baby for over two years, written maybe a billion words or more with these keys, on its hard drive are perhaps a few hundred stories and poems, passwords and birthday reminders are scattered all over it in small files, transcripts of conversations I'd saved, massive amounts of music I'd downloaded, a few games, and Jae's dancing video....OMFG I'm going to upload it now!!!! You guys have got to see it!!! Aha he'd kill me if he knew I still had it....Btw Jae=Adonis my ex best friend for those of you who don't know or are tuning in late.

And I really really really really do not wanna replace my baby!!!

If I lose ONE file...Everything'll be ruined! If I lose one of my novels I will NEVER forgive myself....

But I gots to go now and buy a new one.... :'( Wuvvers you guys!!!

Saturday, December 10, 2011

Haven't Eaten All Day--Life Post

Well..................................................What do I say to you right now? The title says quite a bit actually. I'm beyond starving, and even though I spent three hours making chocolates I didn't get much to eat. -_-' It's a Christmas tradition of the Wong Clan.We make around three hundred chocolates and give them away to family, neighbors, teachers, and colleagues. So we can't eat any of them. :( And one of the flavors we made was rum and chocolate......And holy cow that's good! Yes. I nibbled while I was making them. Deal with it.

Anywho....Wolf and me got into a fight.....Why? Because I'm loved........I slow danced with a girl named Helena at the dance last night. And he also knows about Stephanie.....Who is blocked and deleted on both chatango and Facebook don't give me that look! I don't want her to be hurt and I can't be hurt anymore. The really angry 'Oi......' post I made a few days ago? That was about Stephanie. So...Yeah.........Wolf wasn't pleased with me.


I'm going to be maid of honor..........


It's only online but OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!

I'm now talking to Spice, who Simon is marrying--YES MAD HATTER AND SPICE ARE TOGETHER AFTER ALL--and both Spice and I agree that we need to get better acquainted with each other. As we are going to be in-laws one day.....

Omg this is beyond amazing...


Friday, December 9, 2011


<3 <3 <3

I just got back and my feet are killing me...I promise I'll post pics the second I can get my hands on a camera and my ears stop ringing. Well...I love you all but I'm BEYOND tired right now. I'll talk to all of you later!!!

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Don't Let This End--Life Post

Let's see what happens if I just start typing.....I don't know what to say to you all tonight. I don't know what stories I want to tell, what poems I want to write, what confessions of love I want to make. What's left to be done. I don't know whats left.

I'm tired, my loves. I'm tired, sad, and lonely. I forgot what the world wants from me. I do not know who I am.


Does it matter anymore?

I'm going to stay alive. Going to keep fighting. Keep living. Keep being here.

I'm not leaving you.

Not deactivating.

Not now, and not ever....

I love you all.

Forever and evermore.....

Forgetting and Growing

Forgetting who we were
Friends, far and wide, forgetting who we are
Growing and changing, apart and together
And god, we've gotten so far
The years so easily pass us by
Annihilate and create, leaving nothing the same
Day by day we get reason to cry
Night by night our shoulders bend deeper from the shame
Do you remember what it was like when you were young?
Do you recall, however dimly, the fun times you'd had?
And all the songs you'd loved and sung
That had been naught but a passing fad?
I'm not sure what we used to have that we have forgot
And you just know that all our lives, from the very beginning, are shot.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011


The world has begun to deteriorate
I know it's time to suffocate
Global warming, climate change
How much of our world can we rearrange?
Is there anyone we can save
From the coming heat wave?
How fast will the end
Tear me away from you, my friend?
Slowly, slowly, suddenly speeding
We don't like the signs we're reading
The world is ending
There is no mending
No hope left
Of this world we will soon be bereft
All because of the mistakes we've made
And the foolish games we'be played
What's left to be done? Nothing, you see
All we can do is wait for the agony
It's time for deterioration
In each and every single nation

I Know

In the darkness, when no one can see
In the silence, when no one can hear
I know you'll be giving up like me
I know you'll feel this same fear
Don't even pretend to be strong
Because when all of this is over
Who is left to care about right and wrong?
Will there be anyone who will endeavor
To understand what we have done?
In the darkness, who cares about our deeds?
It doesn't matter if the wars are won
Or who among us bleeds
Because in the end we all go to the dark
And never will sound the call of the lark

Revenge Is Taken

You did this!!!!
For this you're gonna pay
I suffered through your kiss
And now today is MY day
So come on come on let's get ready
Come on come on get ready to scream
Get ready for the agony
A murderer's wet dream
Run the blade down your skin
Slice up, quick and clean
Watch the blood pour from within
None of this will ever be seen

So come on my friend.....
It's time for your life to end

Dedicated to Tolga, and my ex boyfriend Tyler who used to hit me with sticks and insult me for about six months.


Say what you want to say
Do what you want to do
No day but today
No one matters but me and you
Laugh and dance, learn more
Who cares if we end up falling?
Shatter the locked door
Real life has come a'calling
Life is what you make
Death is when it's taken from your hands
So now it's time to wake
And realize that no one understands
Because after all....We are ALL weird
And we should all be feared

Dedicated to my friend Domenic, the weirdest guy I know. Wuvvers ya man!

Close Friends Never Leave

I missed you so much Mckie!
Been so very long since we last spoke
I'm surprised you didn't forget me
And tell yourself our whole friendship was a joke
But it seems that nothing's changed
You and me dance and sing
Our worlds may have rearranged
But we still tell each other everything
I trust you with my life and soul
You never seem to judge me when I fail
For Christmas I'm getting you far more than coal
And on the ocean of friendship we'll always sail
I missed you my friend
We will never, ever end


I'm Freaking Over You

Aha Joseph...Don't you see how sick I am of you?
I got over you a LONG while back
So deal with it dude. There's nothing you can do
Feelings for you I decidedly lack
You're more than a jerk. More than an ass
I should seriously cause you pain
You don't have a sense of class
And you don't make me want to remain
So just be happy I haven't hurt you yet
That I still try to be nice
But that I liked you is something you should forget
I won't get treated like that twice
So dude, if I was you, I'd smarten up before you give me enough
Reason to actually act tough.

F**k you.

How Could This Happen To Me?

Changing day by day
Slipping away every single night
My hips widen their sway
My eyes stare out from the eyeshadow's night
Clothes that used to be tight no longer fit
The crotch of these pants are down to the knees
All the weight--what happened to it?
Can someone explain this, please?
I no longer know who I am
I never used to wear makeup
Is all of this a sham?
What did they but in my cup!?!
I'm not me
How could this happen to me?

Me from a few years ago
Me over the summer
Me from a few seconds ago. I hate my expression