~~This Time It's Different by Evans Blue~~

Language Barriers?

Saturday, December 31, 2011

Now What?--Life Post

I have no idea......It's New Year's Eve dudes, and this is probably the last post in 2011 I will write. How long ago was my first post? I lost track of time....

So much has happened since this blog began.

Dylan, Emily, Tolga, Alexander, and now Shade....

How many times have I wept while writing these posts?

How many times have I screamed?

How many times have I begged to die?

I don't think I want to know....

How many times have I laughed?

How many times have I grinned?

How many dreams have been recorded in these posts?

I wouldn't mind finding out one day....

I love having this blog.

I love all of you for reading it.

So many times I've wondered whether or not to post certain things--they have always been...relatively private. My family barely knows any of the things I have posted on here.....And quite a few I hope they never find out about. Online relationships are something they do not believe in....

Would they understand any of the things I have gone through?

I doubt it......My father is the only one that knows I'm bi. Or at least I think so--he's the only one I told myself. He could have mentioned it to my mother and my brother probably knows from my profile on Facebook, but.....I don't really know. I'd rather not make a production in real life--online is all I need.

So right now......I'm drifting in silence, wondering what happens next.

I have been through so much lately.....

So freaking much.......

But I have lived through every last bit of it. I have begged Simon not to die, I have lost games of MW3 against Domenic, I have worn a ballgown in group chat, I have fought over Pocky and chilled in an Emo Corner......My life is..amazing.

I am so lucky to have this life.......I will never know what might have happened to me without this online world of mine. Would I be better off?

I doubt it.......

At the very least, I would be very different. Less dramatic, maybe more social.....

Or maybe even less social.

I doubt I would be who I am today without everything I have gone through online.

My resolutions for the New Year: Be more social in real life. Never get too deeply involved online again. Tie up loose ends. Find ways to end a few lies.

Well kiddies........I did hit my goal of over a thousand views in 2011.

I'm gone dudes--LOVE YOU!

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