Wishes and Dreams--Life Post

Greetings--me again, appearing out of nowhere after a couple days away. I believe I do not know what there is to say or do. You see, I realized that I was being rather closely watched by my family members. And that they were making sure I wasn't getting myself into too much trouble. Apparently some of them believe I cut and some of them believe I will commit suicide. Believe you me, all my faithful readers, I will not. I am clean of scars. I have never cut. See? *Turns over my arms and pushes up both my sleeves.* I honestly have never broken skin. All the self harming I have done was done with a elastic band which left no permanent marks and to be fully honest I never understood its attraction. Sometimes I enjoyed the pain but it never was entirely my thing. I have seen what it does to people. I have seen everything that has happened. And I do not wish it to happen to me.


I know that I have said some frightening things. I know that I have said many a time that I wished I could just give up. But every time I say those things--did you ever wonder how much I meant them? I do not mean them. I am honestly so greatly hurt by all the things that have happened, but I can and will deal with everything that has come my way and that will come. I require nothing from my readers and from quite a few of my friends--I am extraordinarily strong on my own. I am an amazing fourteen year old girl--do you ever doubt that? Don't doubt it for an instant.


I know I get myself into trouble sometimes but there are things that you need to know.......Currently I might be 'involved' with people online but I am treating myself like I am single. Alexander was the LAST person I will get attached to online. I made that promise and I will keep it.


The ones who love me: Stephanie, Saquan, Will, Trevor, Shade, Luke, and Danny.


The ones who consider me to be like family to them: Simon, Adam, Domenic, Courtney, Amanda, Saira, Melony, and a handful of others.

The ones I love: None.

And I consider Domenic and Adam to be my brothers.

The others? No.........I do not care as much about them for some reason. Amanda and Saira? Eh.......I guess they could be considered my sisters but it's Domenic and Adam who are the true members of my family. The others I just can't care about for whatever reason. My fault? Or theirs? I do not know and to be truly honest I could care less. I love Adam and Domenic to the depths of my soul. I would do ANYTHING for them. I would kill for them in a heartbeat, die for them in three. I mean that as honestly as I can.

Domenic wishes to move in with me. He's always dreamed of getting the heck out of Germany--he hates its society, the people there......He wants to be here so he can help me get better and also because I'm definitely a true member of his family. And he also has another reason--he's in love with a friend of mine who lives around here. So he wants to meet her.

Adam and me...........No real guarantees of us meeting but I hope we can one day. I love him very much. And earlier he told me that if I died for whatever reason he'd follow me. Very sweet, don't you think? I guess I can't blame him. I can't stop him either. I'm the only reason he's alive so when I'm gone why not let him die?

What are my wishes and dreams? I only want strength and I only want love.

All I want and all I ask for.

And it's also all I have.

I will be alright. Do not worry about me.

And oh yes--I am considering making this blog perhaps a bit less....personal. Maybe more on subjects largely unrelated to my life?

Nah, I guess it's a little late now to change everything.

I need to go and get filming but I have a little treat: A picture of Adam. Scars edited out.

He is pretty cute........Bye kiddies.