Hello again my loves. It's me again, and I just wanted to drop by, and talk for a while. It's been a long time since I've had a good long monologue on here so it's definitely time for one. xD Jeez, I'm using smileys on here! Spent way too long on chatango....
Anywho, time to tell you everything that's been going on with me lately. I got my report cards back and I was all high eighty averages in every class, so I did rather well. Overall socially I've been good, never have to struggle to find a seat in the caf--that is when I'm willing to sit with my friends who aren't all that well liked. And I am because these guys are fun to be with, and I prefer their company to the 'popular' kids.
My life has been good lately, loved by so very many. I have Dan who will protect me until the very end, and Sammich who will guide me through heaven and hell. My friends would likely die for me, and I can safely say that if I suicide I will cause a great amount of collateral damages across the globe.
The post title is from the song Your Guardian Angel. It`s one that I think my friend Amanda sent me a long time ago and I've been listening to it every time I needed to remember that I'm not alone in the world and that there are so many people looking out for me. They will be here for me, as much as they can be. But only if I let them be there.
Will I let them be there? I will.......
I've got so many things going on and I just realized I have eleven days left.....
Eleven days left until Stephanie suicides.
On her fifteenth birthday.
What kind of a birthday is that? She told me it's been planned for months and that there's nothing I can do to stop her......But I think there is...
If....If I can convince her I love her and fall for her heart and soul I just might be able to save her. But that will take forsaking everything else, and I can't do that......I wish I could save her but I am not strong enough and I can't ask someone else to save her, I won't do this to them......
She is another Emily.....I cannot take being with another Black Rose, another person who I love so much but can never save, no matter how much I try....
I will be fine. Even if she does kill herself, I will heal one day, because I always do. I just blame myself for it, and rather rightly so. I had led her on for months, hoping I could love her and let her in, but never being strong enough to do so. And then I started getting mad at her constantly, never able to calm down. If I had managed to calm down enough and stop being so selfish chances are I would have been able to save her, but that would have killed me.....
So did I make the right choice by opting to remain distanced emotionally? Or should I have fallen for her and forsaken myself in the fight to keep her alive?
I'll tell you my answer when I read her obituary.
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