~~This Time It's Different by Evans Blue~~

Language Barriers?

Saturday, November 17, 2012

~~So Many Useless Wishes~~

The life I live
The soul I hate
The love I can't feel
If I could attach
Love ONE
Really love, instead
Of just say I do
If I could do that
Could I love?
Could the soul
I hate
No longer be shown
Through frosted windows?
I wish that
I could
I wish
I wouldn't just chase
After anyone who seems
Like they could love me
And make me less lonely
I wish
I wouldn't just lie
And tell them how they
Want to believe I feel
Even though
It's nowhere near true

I wish so much
But I don't even think
It matters what I want
I have things to do
And a life to live
A life
That is chosen for me....
I wish
I could be
More honest
With the people in my life.....

Friday, November 16, 2012

~~To All New Readers...: Intro Post~~

So today was the Dare to Stand Out Conference. To all people who attended the workshop I gave a quick presentation at, HI YOU PEOPLE!!!!!

I love every last one of you who showed up today and went to my blog. Just so you know, this is pretty much the first chance I got to post, so sorry!!!!!

Okay guys....

Today went so much better than I expected! I expected no one to understand me, for things to go wrong, hell for even my boyfriend Ted to mess up something. I expected the day to go badly. I expected people to not find me funny--at all! And you guys LAUGHED! You laughed--in a good way!!! Thanks for that....It meant more than you think.

Alright guys so welcome everyone to the blog ~~Behind the Diamond Curtain.~~ Go where you wish and read what you want--every word is honest. Every word is true. Of course, there's some things about me you won't find on here, but....Read away.

To navigate, just go through my most-read post list, or go to some of my pages. You'll find links to stories and poems there. By the way, everything that does not have something along the lines of Life Post after the title is a poem, or a story.

If you come across any terms you don't get, there's a search bar you can use. I'm planning on adding a ~~Glossary~~ tab for all of my odd phrases--and there are a lot that I use, such as the word Figments.

I hope you enjoy this blog, loves. Remember, if you need a friend, or even if you find me interesting ( :D ) email me, or just drop a comment any place.

Love you all!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

~~A Few Hours~~

In a few hours
The world could end
In a few hours
Your best friend could die
In a few hours
I could delete this blog
In a few hours
In a few hours....

In a few hours
How many people die?
How many people are born?
How many marriages shatter?
How many people are married?
How many children are beaten?
How many children are hugged?

In a few hours
How will the world change?

Monday, November 12, 2012

~~I AM DONE! DUDES I AM FLIPPIN' DONE WORLD!!!!!!!!!--Life Post~~

Ahem. Hi. It's me. Nice to see y'all again....So, I just felt like saying this as I sit here in History class feeling mighty spiffy....

I WON NANOWRIMO YA BEATNICKS!

Okay, time to stop talking that way because it is just plain weird and I have no idea why I even started doing that. But, because I'm awesome, I'm gonna leave that as the introduction to this lovely little blog post.

I feel oddly bipolar!

:D

I am happy, I'm so happy! 

And I also broke my hands!

Not legit, guys, otherwise I wouldn't be typing this. But, my left wrist and hand feels oddly stiff and my left thumb, as per usual, is odd. You guys remember my old skiing injury? Well, it's back dudes. I hit it on a ski lift and it was shoved a good inch into it's socket....Never been the same after that. Well, it hurts and won't bend right. And my left wrist seems to be quite stiff...My right hand is still good, though!

Other than that, I managed to survive writing my novel for NaNoWriMo.

I finished it on Saturday, at around 9:30-10:00 p.m. I started the major writing binge at exactly 11:30 a.m. I wrote a full...wait for it..FIFTY THREE PAGES! WOOT, WOOT! Aka the remaining 13,333 words.

So, yes. My hands have been deceased for a while.

BUT IT WAS FLIPPING WORTH IT!

And I have also a very bad headache.....

But, other than that, I am definitely fine! I am happeh....And good....And I'm cheerful....

*Yawns.*

Oh, HI GSA AGAIN!

I finally got a better understanding of my role as a speaker in the Online Resources workshop, which is offered here at my school on November 16th. Ahem, we're associated with Jer's Vision, so feel free to google it and find out if you're in the area. If so, drop me an email or approach me during the Dare to Stand Out Conference. I'll be around--of course I will be, it's at my school.

Well, my role as a speaker will be to basically tell my story and talk about why I blog. I blog for a lot of reasons, my dearest readers. I blog so I can...be happy, and get my life on track. I write because it tells my story and makes me feel important. Having a blog and having people care about your blog and having people read it again and again....I like it. It's like a very easy ego boost.

And, sometimes, the best thing people can get is an ego boost.

I also will be walking with people through setting up their own blog. Hopefully I'll manage to have a Master List of the URLS of all attendee's blogs at the end of it.....A list I likely won't post here--even though I will be following them.

Well, looks like history class is ending soon.

Sorry I can't post much....It's just that hotmail has been malfunctioning at school, and then I've been writing a lot at home/doing homework.

Well, I love you so damn much.....

I hope to see you guys on the 16th!

Friday, November 9, 2012

~~This Procrastination Is Outta Control!--Life Post~~

Hello there, my wonderful beautiful darlings! Here I am....A young writer with a story to tell and a past you could make one of those teen-in-trouble movies-with-a-message things about. I'm fifteen, bisexual, and above all I'm me. I'm....I'm different.

I'm also so damned tired!

I keep writing so much that a part of me just knows I'll eventually have carpal tunnel syndrome, but doesn't it seem like it's worth it? I mean....I love to write. and if my hands get damaged in the process, than I suppose every thing you love has its faults.

Right now, I'm writing with my eyes closed, and I have found out a pretty damn cool thing--I write really fast with my eyes closed. Okay, it doesn't mean I don't make typos, but still....I do know my little laptop very well by now.

Well...I'll talk to you later loves! Planning on adding an ~~Images~~ page, to show you guys some of my favorite pics from across the interwebz. Should be online eventually....

Thursday, November 8, 2012

~~HELLOOOOOOO GSA!: Hello Post!~~

Hey guys! I know at least some people from the group at my school could be reading this, so I figure it's long overdue that I say hello to all of you fine wonderful people. To tell you the truth, this little blog of mine is mainly about my life--it's got a hell of a lot of personal things. Things about my past.....My love life....And the status of my mind. You can look if you want--this place is one of the few escapes into honesty that I actually have. I have a lot of things I keep hidden, so having this place is a blessing to me.

I guess that's partly why I'm supposedly doing the presentation for online resources. My blog is to me my only real place to be...me, and have people KNOW me for who I am. For my darkness. My light. For EVERYTHING. I have always been as honest as I can be with every last word I write here. And because of that I have been strong.

This blog originally was meant only for poems and stories, as well as my viewpoints on things. I vowed I would never use it to tell about my life, that it would always remain simple and not at all about me. I vowed it, but....I broke that rule, of course.

I'm glad I broke that rule.

Because of that, I became stronger, and seeing the truth on the screen and admitting all of it to not only me but the world made me more able to handle it. Being able to be honest about my relationships long distance with more people than I care to name, my past when I was a victim of bullying, and most of all the time period that I was a cam whore showed true strength. I faced up to it by fessing up to it, and that's why I blog. That's why I write. That's why I'm me.

Without this blog, and without the wonderful readers I have here, I don't know where I'd be.

Definitely not as happy as I am now....

I love you, fellow members of the GSA.

I'll see you at the next meeting.

~~What Happens Next: Chapter Three--TO FOLLOW HER ORDERS~~


Note: I hope you're enjoying this, guys. I know it's not good, but...First time I ever did NaNoWriMo. It's the best I can do for now, posting wise. I still need to hit another 1,111 words tonight....:/

I scream, and my mind sends out a BLAST of raw power, flooding the area around me. We halt in the air, and I send draining BLASTS of power and magic towards the earth, slowly lifting us. Carefully, a bit of my mind focuses instead on the edge of the cliff, and TUGS on it, pulling us towards it.
And then we are back on the cliff’s edge. I BLAST at it briefly, pushing us backwards and further onto the cliff, before I deem us to be safe. I stand up from the carriage seat, swing onto the ground, and jog to view the status of my prisoners.
I opened the carriage door and was punched solidly in the nose.
Well, I think to myself as I stagger back and fight to keep from drawing my sword and destroying them, I have to admit I rather earned that.
But….how did they hit me?
Shouldn’t my magic have kept them from disobeying my orders so easily?
And then…I felt it. The weight of the air. The emptiness.
There was no magic left in the area.
But how…?
My mind whirls even as I see the infamous mist pour from the carriage. One of the occupants was an extraordinarily powerful Conduit—most likely the princess, knowing her bloodline.
But then I see none other than her Royal Rotundness sprinting away from us in the opposite direction….
If it wasn’t her producing the mist, who was it? Could it possibly be that one of the humans was that honestly powerful?
But, no….it didn’t make sense!
Hoping to solve this mystery, I leap into the carriage and grab hold of one of them, and throw them out. The mist doesn’t follow. I grab the next, hurl them more gently out.
The mist stays.
I hear the sound of gasps of fear, and take hold of its source.
And pull them out with me.
And who do I see but Anne there in my arms?
I sigh, and smother her mouth with my hand.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
We arrive at the compound a few hours later. I carry Anne out of the carriage, holding her in my arms as if she were my wife. “I’m sorry,” I whisper to her.
She only glares up at me through dazed eyes in response.
What, you’d thought that I had smothered her to death? I had only covered her mouth to keep her from screaming, and to also slip in some herbs that should help her not die until her Conduit ability could be contained.
“And contained it shall be,” a melodic voice rings out, and my heart wells in my chest at its sound; “Hello again, Avery. I see you have my guests for me.”
I nod, and gesture at the other prisoners—including Lady White’s royal daughter, who she doesn’t give more than a glance to—with a flick of my head. “She had to be subdued on the way. I’m terribly sorry, My Lady.”
She smiles and sighs simultaneously, sweeping from the shadows where she had watched our approach, and tip-tapping down the wooden steps in her leather boots. I watch her, my mouth slipping open, my heartbeat racing in my ears. My Lady White, my lovely lily, I think to myself, watching her approach. She smiles, overhearing my thoughts, “Ah, Avery, how sweet you are! I do not deserve a second-in-command as kind as you are.”
I blush furiously, and she lets her laugh ring out into the air. Stammering, I set Anne down on her feet, and glare at her only a tiny bit when she sends me a you’re-so-cute wink. Such an annoying little human….Are all their females like this? I pity their poor husbands…….
Anywho, I send a tiny flick of command towards my prisoners, and they comply, walking tall and dignified towards the woman I loved. “Here they are, all present and accounted for. And not a single one injured, as you asked.”
She, instead of looking pleased by my statement, looks a bit disappointed. “How many times did you use your magic on them, exactly?”
I can’t lie to her. “Mo-more than I probably should have, My Lady,” I whisper/stammer, barely able to get the words out. “Are you mad at me?”
“Of course not, Avery. Just a bit disappointed, my sweet. I’d hoped you’d be able to complete your tasks without utilizing your magic.”
I dropped my eyes in shame. I’d failed her. She’s wanted me to do this cleanly and easily, without relying on the power that had become a part of me. I should have been able to; instead I’d proved how weak I truly was when I wasn’t able to complete her mission the way she had desired. “I’m sorry, My Lady. I promise I will try harder, do my very best, not fail you the next time around. I wear I will spend a full three days without utilizing my powers whatsoever. I swear it!”
She looks at me and finds herself unable to not laugh. “Ah, Avery…! You didn’t fail me. What you did was fine, and you were able to get them to me without them being harmed in any way. So you didn’t fail me at all.”
I smile, and thank her swiftly. She smiles back, and gestures at me, pointing her long dark finger at my skull. I see what she means, and releases my prisoners from my magic. Automatically, they turn and try to run, but My Lady’s people grab them and walk them up the steps and back into the compound.
Lady White turns to watch them go, smiling pleasantly. “Thank you very much for your service, Avery. Can I trouble you for some more of your time, y kind friend?”
Even as my heart wrenches at the word ‘friend’, I can’t help but grin and nod. “Of course, My Lady. What do you need of me?”
She walks forward, and bends down just a tiny bit, her ruby red lips at my ear: “Not here, sweet Avery. What I ask of you cannot be overheard by any others, or the task I have set for you will be compromised.”
Heart beating swiftly with anticipation, I reach out and boldly take her hand, before allowing her to lead me to the back of the compound. Her long green cloak whisks over the cobblestones, her braid of deep bronze-colored hair shimmers in the sunlight. My lungs hungrily drink in her sweet scent: Pine, roses, grass, and the earthy scent of fall. My beautiful Lady guides me, her soft smooth hand like silk on the calluses of mine. Ahead of me, she lets out an affectionate laugh, hearing my thoughts of her. “Ah, my Avery, you are too sweet and too kind. I am naught but an old elfin lady; the ages left their mark on this body a long time ago.”
My cheeks flood with heat, and I think, I wish I could see more of that—I cut myself off suddenly, blushing harder. I didn’t want to finish that sentence in her company—too bold of me, and I would only mortify her. If she knew how far my dreams went….
She laughs louder, and turns to regard me with tender eyes. “Avery, you do spend nights in this compound, remember? And your dreams are rather loud.”
I have never blushed harder in my life. Thankfully, Lady White takes pity on me and doesn’t mock me for it. Instead, she turns from me and walks me down the pathway, until we reach an area of the compound I had never witnessed before: Her private quarters. “What are we doing here, My Lady?” I ask , perhaps just a bit of tiny hope flooding my voice.
She smiles, and says simply, “Changing the world.”
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I listen to her story, open-mouthed. “You found a way? A way to free the Conduits?”
She nods, and smiles a bit. “I found a way. It took me a very long time, but my research combined with what I could get out of the King’s Magicians when I took them prisoner led me to a myth: The Three Keys.”
I lean back, and regard her. “So you want me to travel into the world unknown, and track these Three Keys and bring them back to you, despite all the dangers I wil face and the fact that I am most likely now one of the most wanted elves on the face of the Realm of Agra?”
“You mean you didn’t wipe the memories of the guards?”
“I didn’t think it would have done much good! They know that the only being powerful enough to do what I did was either me or you, and that you haven’t dared to show your face outside of the compound in years. So of course they were smart enough to guess that it was me who did that.”
Lady White sighs, her white teeth shining like diamonds against the red silk of her lips, framed by her deep dark-skinned face. “Ah, Avery….Do not make me think that it was a mistake to entrust this mission to you.”
The anger I had felt earlier dissipates in an instant, and it takes all of my self-control to keep me from dropping from my chair to my knees. “No, My Lady! T’was not a mistake! I will not fail you. I will change my appearance, do whatever it takes to keep me from being recognized! I will not resort to magic unless absolutely necessary, I swear it!”
My pleas reach her heart, and she grants me a warm smile. “Avery….That means that you are truly able to do this momentous task that I set before you. How far will you go to do your bidding? How far will you go to please me?”
My body reacts at the word ‘please’, and my thoughts whisper before they can be controlled: As far as you allow me to go. I snap out of it, and hurriedly reply with an obedient smile, “As far as I am able, My Lady.”
She smiles, and remains silent for a moment before speaking softly, “I fear I must also add to your duties, Avery Leaf.”
“What do you want of me?” I ask, not sure whether or not to dread her answer.
“As you know, you took prisoner my spoiled daughter. I can’t stand her company, and I need her to be toughened up before I can entrust to her the Resistance. Could you take her with you?”
I sigh. Can I possibly refuse her? “I can, My Lady. It will make my task much harder, but I could never refuse you.”
She smiles, and stands. Gently, ever so gently, Lady White presses against me from head to toe, and her arms wrap tightly around me. “I cannot thank you enough for this, Avery.”
My heart beat triples, and I stammer, “Bu-but My Lady, I live solely to-to serve you.”
She smiles. “I do not deserve you, Avery,” Her hand gently traces a line up my spine, and my eyes close, my mouth opening, “But yet I have you, do I not?”
“Heart and soul,” I pledge to her.
“What about body?” she purrs. “Do I own that?”
I can’t make any words form, so I only nod.
She smiles again. “Ah, that’s wondrous, Avery…I’m so glad to hear that. Now,” she kisses my neck gently, “By leaving in the morning, and riding hard, you should be well on your way to getting the first Key.”
“Wi-will do, My Lady.”
“I’d recommend you get some sleep now, young one. I’ll wake you up in the morning.” Lady White steps away from me, and with a gesture of her hand, dismisses me from her company.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
The morning after I run.
My mind whirling, I run from the compound, my legs stretching out lithe and long, my arms catching branches and pushing them harmlessly from my path, my red hair resembling the tail of a comet. Breathing easily, I hear the crash of the horses’ hooves, their inexperienced riders trying to keep abreast of me. I laugh grimly, and only press myself faster and faster, running harder and harder, until trees are blurs in my peripheral vision and ditches are cracks in the earth. I run harder and faster, and think to myself, How’d I get here? Why am I here?
The answer comes to my mind in an instant: Because she had ordered me.
I didn’t have a choice.
I slow down just a bit, and let the horses catch up to me.
Anne reaches me first. I turn and regard her, my violet eyes meeting her brown ones. “You ride well.”
She glares. “And you run fast.”
I hold out my hand, and after a moment, she takes it and lets me help her down. “I was…very unwilling to do this, you understand. The only reason you are accompanying me is because Lady White asked it of me.”
She snorts: “Dude, you think I wanted to go on this trip? I don’t even wanna be here. I just want to be home.”
I sigh, and I stand there with her hand still in mine, waiting with her for the others who slowly come crashing through the brambles and broken branches. Joey swings down from his horse easily, and walks over to us. “You’re fast travellers. Very fast,” he tells us, “Anne, you feeling okay? Your eyes are weird.”
I focus my gaze on her pale face, and my eyes narrow. Her eyes were weird: Red in a way you can only get from crying. “Anne, are you alright?” I ask her.
She snatches her hand from me, and cradles her pencil-thin arms against her chest. Despite being clothed almost entirely in black and ripped denim, she still looked so very fragile, so very easy to break.
It was a struggle for me to keep from hating her.
As if sensing my thoughts, she turns to me and snaps, “Look, you pointy-eared fairy, let’s set something straight: I am NOT weak. I just can’t take this stupid ring off without killing myself.” She spins the ring around her finger, the one that Lady White had given to her. The ring was a plain gold band, enchanted to keep her ability from killing her.
Clenching my teeth, I reply, “I’m an elf, not a fairy. Fairies are myths. Elves are real.”
She snorts, “I see you do not know what kind of fairy I mean.”
Joey hits her on the arm, glaring at her. “Anne, watch your tongue. Getting killed won’t help us at all.”
Killed? They thought that there was a risk of them dying?
How smart they were…..
Oh, not at my hands, of course. I would do my very best to keep them safe.
And besides….What kind of fairy did they mean?
Max arrives on the scene a few seconds later, Leslie White clutching him about his skinny waist. “He-hey guys.”
“I hate horsies!” Leslie wails, thudding to the floor.
Of course the brat hates ‘horsies’…..
I sigh, and lead them towards where I knew there would be a safe place to rest. I go slowly, knowing that humans wouldn’t be able to keep pace with me. I hear them crash and clatter, breaking branches and crumbling leaves. I ignore them and wince inwardly—what a racket they were making! I was a ghost compared to them.
Leslie whines and whimpers behind me. Finally, I hear someone give a sigh of resigned determination, and the thuds from Leslie’s feet cease while the sounds of someone else’s increase. I turn, and I smile only a tiny bit when the sight of Joey bearing Her Royal Rotundness on his shoulders. Foolish boy; he’ll exhaust himself only that much faster.
But, yet, he is good at heart, I have to give him that.
Shaking such thoughts away, I lead them to the goblin’s camp.