~~I Don't Care--Life Post~~

                Hey. I know a lot of you don’t know me. But this March Break I’m going to tell my story. Tell everything. As honestly as I can.

Actually, no, I won’t. I don’t want to be entirely obvious and too easy to know. I am very open, yes, but as my problems get larger and larger so does the circle of people there for me, and the less I need to use my blog as my sole outlet. I don’t need this blog for updates on my life, I don’t need to use it as a journal anymore. I have Ian and David and Shawn to tell everything to without any fear of judgment, and I will do whatever it takes to make my boys proud of me. To make my BROTHERS proud of me. All three of them are older than I am (Ian is sixteen, Shawn seventeen, and David is going on twenty); they are all a lot bigger (in height, weight, and size); they all care about me insanely deeply; they are all perverted, all three respect me and would never harm me; and ALL THREE LOVE CUDDLING ME! ^~^

And yet I have never met any of them.

Shawn is coming up to my hometown to visit a friend, and this summer I might be in _______ where David lives, so I could meet two of my bros this year! And I have gone on webcam several times with David, Shawn is working a lot more these days so he has no time, and I still don’t know Ian’s face.

Ah, well, I just love these guys so much….

Shawn is so sweet and funny, I freaking adore my big Irish lug David, and Ian…..Ian is giving me the help and strength needed to turn my life around. Around the time that we met, I found myself standing on a path I couldn’t get off, being dragged down it by people I thought I could trust. People who had made me feel loved and wanted even as they turned me into someone it was killing me to be. I found myself walking on my own down that path, my resistance getting weaker and weaker. And then Ian came, like the first few rays of sunlight in the earliest moments of dawn after a long and cold night, Ian called my name.

And I turned and started staggering my way towards him.

Because of Ian, those who had been dragging me down the path have gone away, courtesy of the block button and tears.

I hurt Master. I had broken myself free of him, him who had loved me and fought for me and done everything for me, and he had cared about me. And I had left him.

I’m sorry Master……I’m so sorry……So so sorry……

I had left him for my own good.

Had I stayed longer with him, my sense of self-respect and self-worth would have been stolen further from me.

But the damage had been done.

I’m on the road to recovery now, and Ian is guiding me down it.

It will take me a long while to get back the things stolen from me. Some things, like a lot of my innocence, are gone forever. And I will forever bear the scars from this experience.

A part of me is still walking down the path to hell. A part of me is still looking for an excuse to fall and break and get another to lift me to my feet. A part of me still wants to shatter.

But every other part of me?

Only wants to hear these words: I’m proud of you.

And I want to hear them most from my brothers Ian, David, and Shawn.

As long as they are proud of me, I will be okay.

Ian, I love you.

David, I love you.

Shawn, I love you.

Forever and ever.

Which, oh yeah, reminds me of the title. So here have a song.

Haha, drama queens, I hate you.

And I’m the queen of them all.