~~A Simple, Slow Sigh~~

With a sigh

I damn myself

With a tear

I drown myself

I cry and you smile

I howl and you sing

I cut and you sew

I scream and you whisper

A difference

Between two worlds

A difference

Between two souls

A heart I can't feel

A body I can't look away from

A soul I'll always worship

A scar I'll always regret

A difference

A change

A melding

A time to rearrange

I will never forget

The sounds you make

When you hold me close

And kiss me

Your beautiful lips

Parted in a laugh

That drowns out

Every bit of my tears....

~~Dearest Loves: Hello Once More and Apologies Post~~

Hello, world. It seems I have committed crimes for which I do not deserve to be forgiven. I have not posted as much as I should, and I have abandoned you to my silence. I should not have done this, and I pray forgiveness for this accursed sin.

You know I love you deeply, kiddies.

You know I will always love you.

But yo also know I have not been very...well lately.

Issues with my boyfriend, getting back into school....

Life is not easy. Life is never easy.

I love my life, because it is my life.

And would I have it any other way?

I doubt it.

I sincerely doubt it.

School....I'm going to have one hell of a hard year.

Math and French are gonna kick my ass, but after this year....

Guess what!!!

I no longer need to take them.

I'll have all the math and french credits I need to graduate.

I'm soooo ready....

I'm so tired, my dears.

So very tired....

I want to cry and scream, and....

And I just can't.

On the bus, when I need some time for myself most, I'm forced to sit with someone I hate. She believes I'm her friend. God, I hate her. Her name's Beth, and I believe I've mentioned her before. Ugh, she annoys me so much!!

And I've been doing research on the words that have so much effect on me--you know, "Strength in your weeping, tears that come seeping, down the old canyons, back to the sea." Supposedly it's from something called The River by Jean Gowland, but that's all I know. I got that from a site called Spirasolaris.

I have no idea what that means. Google translate says it's Italian, but it doesn't know what it means.

I wish I knew where it came from.

It's got such power, and maybe if I found the origin I could understand...

I suppose that, if I did find out, they'd have less power.

I don't know if I want them to have less power over me....

I like having mysteries in my life--you should know that by now.

Kiddies....I'll be going, now.

I'll leave you with one last picture:

~~Hey Kiddies--Life Post~~

Hola, loves. How are ya this fine and remarkably lovely day?

I'm doing alright, surprisingly. Blogging in careers class, out of boredom. I really don't like this class very much....

Ah, wellz.

Guys, I have amazing, awesome, perfect news.

YAY CALIFORNIA HAS BANNED GAY CURES!!!!!!!!!!

One state out of...erm...many has done what's right.

Maybe there's hope for us yet, loves!

I can't believe that homophobia needs a "cure."

I'm sick of this...

Ugh, kiddies I have a shitload of stuff to do tonight.

Au revior

~~I Just Want to Be Normal~~

I'm so used to being different

So used to seeming strange

Could I ever change

And become better for you?

Every move I make

You criticize

Every outfit I wear

Is last season's

Everything I do

Just isn't right for you

So why do I even try?

When there's no winning with you!

I fight and I struggle

I swear that I'm okay

I dress in clothes I hate

And I "forget" to eat

I worry every moment

That I'm not good enough

And you'll turn on me again

Like you did back then

But I have to try

Even if it's all a lie

I just can't be alone

But there's no texts on my phone

You seem to forget I'm here

But there's no one else here

So why do you ignore me

When I'm doing all of this for you?

I'm fighting to be better
But you act like you don't care
Like every thing I do is wrong
It just isn't fair

I write and I try to focus
The homework is not sinking in
I finish it off
But you just laugh it off

I'm not smart enough for you
I'm not thin enough for you
I'm not pretty enough for you
But I'm doing all of this for you!

Won't you see that I'm real?
Won't you look at me for once?
But, no, you just don't focus
And you ignore me and I can't feel

You think I'm okay
You think I'm just hurting
But you don't realize
That today is my last day

This is my final try
Before I make it a lie
And leave you be forever
Never again to fit in

I don't want to be you
I don't want to be this way
But I wanted to try
And fit in with you

I'm tired of being alone
But nothing will ever change
I'm slowly turning to stone
And I will freeze in a statue that looks like me.

~~Gothic Lolita~~

Little body

Soft white skin

Plush-fluff hair

Blue eyes

So young

So soft

So perfect

So broken

Touched softly

Left scarred

Taken

Never returned

Cards replaced by red

Kisses stolen by rose petals

Thorns stab into the pads of thumbs

Letters written in red ink

Feather soft touches

Produces static as bright as lightning

Music as loud as thunder

Choked-off cries the melody

Elegant gowns of red and black

To disguise the bruises beneath

Smiles like dolls

Below bright blue eyes

Soft giggles

Shattered laughter

Like the tingling of glass

As it falls to marble floors

Little lollipops

Grow large, choking little mouths

Syrupy sweetness becomes salty

Innocence replaced by bitterness

Sweet tea

Pure white lace

Dolls clutched

To flat little chests

Giggles and grins and games of tag

Chasing not each other

But time away

Living for today

Little faces

Little lies

Little scars

Massive crimes

Blame placed

She was asking for it

Punishments not given

Reputations tarnished

A life forever ended

A new world never begun

A murder

Where no one dies.

Inspired By....

~~Death the Kid~~

Do you know what he said?

Do you know what he did?

Does it even matter?

He's Death the Kid

Of course you know

The symmetry is clear

He will always know

And he will always fear

The angles are wrong

Things are unclear

Right and left are wrong

And at him they leer

The world is wrong for him

Because it's not perfect

So he balances the right

And balances the left

His beautiful guns

Almost perfectly the same

Almost perfect twins

But almost isn't enough

Can he handle a world

Without symmetry?

Can he live in a world

That's beautiful to you and me?

Twenty points to whoever knows who Death the Kid is.

~~What Happened to Me?: Life Post~~

Kiddies, this is gonna get personal....

What happened to me?

I shouldn't be this way.

I should be innocent.

Shouldn't be a slave.

Shouldn't be this way.

I mean, I'm fifteen.

I don't know what's happened to me.

I'm older now.

So much older....

I will never regain my innocence, but god I wish I could. I want to go back to when I didn't have a serious thought in my head. Back to when my biggest problems were being bullied. Back to when I had free time. Back to when I believed in goodness. Back to when I was HAPPIER. Back to when my Figments were closer. Back to when I told my family everything. Back to when I was okay. Back to when I was a motherfucking kid.

I don't even remember the last time I truly felt my age.

I've....I've been hurt, and I don't know when I'll ever get past what I've been through.

I wish I could change the world, go back to who I used to be.

I wish I could be better.

But I honestly doubt I'll change.

I'm fifteen, and...And everything I've been through..

Is going to effect me for a very long time.

Do I have any regrets?

I'd be lying if I said I didn't.

However, I also know they're useless.

If what had happened to me hadn't happened....Who would I be right now?

It's impossible to tell.

Would I be better, or worse?

I wish I knew....

Whatev, I am who I am. That's all there is to it.

I'd be lying if I said I loved myself.

I'd be lying if I said I hated myself.

I'm...Fine, with me.

I'm not good.

I'm not bad.

I'm a bad apple.

I'm more than that, though.

I'm a Gothic Lolita as well.

I'm hurt.

I'm scarred.

But I'm not in this alone.

I have my Glowstone with me.