~~Shatter the Wall~~

A beautiful girl

Stands before me

Her eyes dark

She smiles

So widely

She loves me

So little

While I love her

So much

I don't care

About the wall

So evident if you look:

The bags beneath her eyes

The chapped lips

The faint mark of anger

Ever present in her gaze

I don't care

If you cry at night

But never in front of me

I just care

If you're there for me

When I need you to be

And you're there for me

One day though

I want you

To be you

And see if I will still love you

When the mask is gone....

~~Sinking into You~~

Such lovely shadows, see them shimmer

See them dance

Around the dim candle light

Listen to the crackle

Of the wood in the fireplace

Such a simple sound

Yet it causes you to jump

You're scared, aren't you?

Oh, how cute you are....

I would eat you up

If you tasted better...

~~Sing for Me: A Message from Raphael to Me~~

Sing for me, little one

Your voice is like a bird

Even when it's shaking

Sing for me the songs of old

The ones you used to dance to

Before the world went so cold

Sing for me and laugh

Don't you see I miss it so?

When you were younger, you were so happy.....

Sing for me and hold me tight

Cling to me

Make me think I matter to you

Sing for me and let me hold you

Relax and trust me

Please, I need you

Sing for me, little one

Whatever song you'd like

I need to hear your voice

Sing for me and dry your tears

Even if it's only

For a moment....

~~Redeem Me~~

Give me back my halo

Put the shine in it back in

It's gotten tarnished

How did that happen?

Give me back my wings

Make the feathers soft again

When was the last time I flew?

I can't remember when....

Give me back my smile

I miss when it was real

It seems so new to me

To truly feel

Give me back my innocence

The toys and the faith

Not the games

You had replaced it with

Give me back my reality

Instead of this half crazed dream

That seems more like a nightmare

Separated from the world by a seam

Give me back my honor

And and take away my shame

You hurt me so much

By playing the game

Give me back my tears

All the things I'd cried for you

Hating myself when I realized

It was never true

All of you, give it back to me

Give back the pieces you stole

The shards of my heart, parts of me

Please just make me whole!

~~Giving Myself Away~~

Lying here in bed

Living life in my own head

Everything seems wrong

While I'm listening to our song

You wouldn't get it if I told you

The things that aren't true

You'd stare at me and say

"Girl, come back to me again another day."

You'd always want me back

Love for me you ain't gonna lack

I wish I could tell you

Love for you isn't true

I keep giving myself away

Trying to find what I found in you that day

I keep running away, trying to hide

So you won't see that I lied

I can't be your girl

Until my wings unfurl

And it seems like I'll never fly

Because getting better I can't even try

I just keep on crying

But I make no sound, not sobbing

They just fall from my eyes

Not washing off the makeup that covers the lies

I don't know why I do this

Run from you, who gave me my first kiss

But I can't seem to stop

From starting to window shop

All the people who want to play

They find me some how, every day

How many do I say yes to?

Does it matter at all to you?

I'm sorry I don't deserve you

I can't ever be true

Leave if you'd like

I've done too much with Mike....>.>

I love Ted, I truly do...But.....I don't know what's wrong with me!!!!!!!!

~~What I Want for Christmas: Life Post~~

Fa la la la la la la false!

Merry Early XMAS, y'all!

Funny thing....My family's initials spell out XMAS. X is for my brother, M is my dad, A is my lovely little self, and S is my mom.

Wait.

It's November.

WHY AM I BLOGGING ABOUT XMAS?

Because.

I went to a Christmas concert yesterday.

Yes.

A Christmas concert in November.

Well then.

How lovely....

Hell, people already have their lights and Christmas trees up! What is going on? Does this always happen so early? Well....I might as well get into the Christmas spirit too. Hence this post.

Well, what do I want for Christmas?

I want many things:

• A new iPod (you wouldn't believe how cracked mine is)
• The new Assassins Creed game (Revelations?)
• Odd Apocalypse (the final novel of the Odd Thomas series by Dean Koontz)
• More money for iTunes
• Jewellery (I'm running out of rings)
• Moneh (I like money)
• Books
• Clothes (I'm female.......)
• People to leave me alone and stop falling for me
• My heart to get rid of that damned diamond wall
• The ability to focus on Ted and only Ted
• My world to get better
• My writing to improve...

Oh, kiddies....

I love you so much.

Thank you so much for listening to me whine, caring enough about me to always return here to my humble little home of insanity and sorrow.

Thanks for listening to me cry, understanding enough not to judge me. And if you do judge me on my choices, thank you for remaining quiet about it.

I love you.....

So much.

Please......Stay with me?

And listen to this song.... <3

~~I Am Justified~~

How could you ask this?

How could you ask me

Why I do this?

Why I scream, why I shout, why I yell?

Why I turn and I bleed upon the soil

Feeding the earth with my mark?

How could you ask this when you don't see?

How could you ask me why

When you don't do

What I do?

When you don't run and breathe

And try to be free

When the world is shattering?

Why do you ask?

Why do you care?

When you weren't there to see

The sky fall the world burn the air end?

When you didn't see

How hard it hit me

To be alone and bleeding?

Why didn't you know?

When I ran with you once?

When I did this with you once?

When did you change, huh?

When did you join them

In their hatred of me?

I am justified

In leaving you behind....