~~Light~~

Someone says, "Be happy."

Someone says, "It's okay."

Someone says, "It's not that bad."

Someone says, "It'll get better one day."

I'm not okay

But you don't seem to care

All that you seem to say

Is that you'll be there

But you're still my light

You're still my hope

I can't be alone tonight

So you stay here again

Do you remember when we met?

I don't think you do

But I just can't forget

The first time you smiled

You're hurting now, and sad

But you're still trying hard

I try and be glad

That you're still by my side

My light, don't let go

Of the fact that I love you

And find you help me

Help me believe I'm true

I can't believe I deserve you

My lovely little light

My dream, please don't go

Don't leave me tonight

Blue eyes and bristly beard

Goofy grin and tight hugs

You are just so weird

And I will always love you, my light.

~~To Love is to Hurt: Life Post~~

I've been broken by love a lot, my beloved readers.

Lately I've claimed to be incapable of it, but that's not true.

I love and I love.

It almost kills me, so I numb myself from feeling most of it.

If I was to feel all of it, I doubt I could ever truly function.

I'm not okay, I'm not okay....I haven't been okay for a very long time.

But I'll keep going.

I've got my past behind me to run from.

My future to chase.

I can't stop moving, or I'll drown....

I'll drown because if I stop to let myself feel I'll realize there's nothing true behind the mask.

Not any more.

I died when Dylan left me for Marianne.

I died when Adonis abandoned me.

I died when Alexander told me he was gay.

I've been dead for a while now, but I'm not gonna fucking go sleep.

I'm gonna live.

Live as much as I can. Love as much as I can.

No regrets.

A million scars.

I'll be fine, cuz that's all I'll ever be.

I'm okay, so don't worry.

Don't you fucking worry.

But for now, I'm going to take all my pain and just let it die, because in the end....

I'm not okay (I promise.)

I love you world.

Always and forever.

Fuck.

You.

All.

~~Words on My Tombstone: Life Post~~

Strength in your weeping

Tears that come seeping

Down the old canyons

Back to the sea

Those words, those powerful words....

They effect me so strongly. I don't know why but those words....I feel like they're actually going to be on my tombstone.

If I read them too much, or think about them too much, they cause a panic attack. Even writing this causes my muscles to tense, as the words are barely above the words I type.

I'll be okay....

But dear lord those WORDS!

How can they cause this?

How are they so powerful?

Will I ever escape?

~~Forgive Me For Saying Farewell~~

Don't tell me you need me

Don't tell me goodbye

Every moment that I try

You seem to walk away from me

Do you still remember

The nights we couldn't forget?

All the things we now regret?

It was only last December

I'm sorry if I led you on

I should've realized the reality

The truth that you can't be with me

Because I am wrong

I can't be what you need

I can't even fake a smile

There's nothing left, so it's goodbye for a while

Try and keep your heart from starting to bleed

I'm sorry for needing to leave

To cause this pain to you

I'm trying not to make you grieve

But there's nothing more I can do

Please forgive me

And do well in life

Get over your agony

I'll see you in a while

~~LGBT~~

Love who you are
Love who you want
Love for everyone
Love for the world

It doesn't matter who you love
As all of us are human
So why are we hated
For loving who we do?

~~Beautiful is Bad~~

I enchant you
You trail after me pleadingly
Hoping for one scrap off affection
But I don't even have one left for me

After everyone I've loved
Can't you see I need to be alone?
But, no, you simply whisper,
"You're the most perfect girl I've ever known."

I sigh, and realize
I can't get rid of you
So what can I do
But say I love you, too?

Even though I don't
Even though I can't
I don't want to hurt you
As after me you pant

I would turn you away
If I had anyone else with me
But you're the only one I know
Without you, I'd be lonely

And I can't be alone again
Not after everything
So forgive me if I hurt you
By saying I was capable of loving.....

~~I Shattered In the Corner of Your Eyes~~

It seems like I can't breathe

You're taking all my air
And no matter what I do

You are never there

I cry out and scream

But you drown me out

With a whisper

My throat's soon to hoarse to shout

Won't you listen to me?
Wait one moment and give me time?

But no you always have somewhere better to be

The time to know me you just can't seem to find

I try to hold on to you

But you just slip away

Brush me off

Ignore me until I try again another day

Do you even love me?

You don't ever say

I try to ask you

But you can't seem to find a way

I'm trying so hard

To wait until you turn that smile to me

But I can't last much longer

To your life there seems to be no key

I'm falling down now

Drowning in the weight of not existing

I'm almost gone now

And you go on not noticing

Maybe when I'm gone

You'll see where you went wrong

And you'll feel bad for me

But probably not for long....