~~I Am...~~

I am amazing

Intelligent

Clever

Wise beyond my years

Creative

A good writer

Brave

A good poet

A caring friend

A beautiful girl

Courageous

Hard-working

A bibliophile

Kind

Funny

I am sad

Hurt

Scared

Alone

Worried

A liar

A fake

A depressant

A loser

A loner

Me.

~~Half-Remembered Nightmare~~

I wake in dread

Panting for breath, begging

Pleading with my head

Asking not to be remembering

The things that haunted me

The blue eyes

The lipstick lips that tore at me

As they spoke the lies

"You're a loser, a cunt, a whore!"

"How'd you get in this school?

"Did your face break the glass door?"

"Normally girls rule, but you just drool."

"Get out of my face

"You pathetic bitch

"You'd better learn your place

"And it ain't among a school for the rich."

I hear the voices

I hear the laughter

I try to make different choices

But it just gets louder

I can't escape

I hear the sound whenever I'm awake

My heart has taken on a new shape

This isn't something I can shake

I want to hurt back

I want to make them cry

I want to go on the attack

Punish them for the lies

But I know I'm unable

To make them pay

I wish someone would enable

Me to stand up to it today

But no one but me seems to hear

No one but me seems to get hurt

No one else has reasons to fear

No one else is terrified to wear a skirt

A skirt that won't fit

Won't be right

I just can't take it

I want to get out of here tonight

But, no, my mom's calling

Telling me it's time to go

The bus is waiting

And now it's time for the horror show

I try to get dressed nice

Comb my hair the best I can

But I know I've still got lice

From my mom's last man

I try my hardest to be good

But it isn't working

I just wish that I could

Cause them some suffering

People say high school isn't forever

That I'll get out one day

But I can't go on never

Being able to make them pay

But for now I can't break free

For now I'm trapped here

Will someone please help me?

When I'm paralysed by fear...?

~~I Wished For You~~

I'm so tired of this

Couldn't we have had

One last goodbye kiss?

Something to make me less sad....

But I guess that's not possible

Because now you've gone away

And as I start to tremble

And wish for a new day

Somewhere I know

You'll be laughing

Somehow I know

You'll be done crying

I drop to my knees

Unable to breathe

Whispering, "Please....

"Let me have my dreams."

Do you know why we met?

I had seen a star

And wished that I would get

No matter how far

A girl as beautiful as the dawn

With a soul as pure as the mist

I got you, but now you're gone

Without so much as a goodbye kiss

I try to recall the memories

Of the sweet and beautiful girl, oh so kind

But none come; they only tease

The surface of my mind

I try to hold on

But there's no surface to grasp

And then I witness the dawn

As your name slips from my grasp

I fall down, whimper and try to shriek

But not a sound escapes my lips

I feel so very weak

As I forget the silk of your lips

Oh beautiful, will you remember

Me, the young man

You enchanted last December?

Or will you have forgotten, as only a woman can...?

~~Oh, the Beauty!--Working To A New Dawn Post~~

I'm just tired of things my loves. And that's not a good way for me to be. I'm an Angel, through and through, despite the many faults I possess. The fact that I try and work to help, whenever I can, is far more than what others will ever do. and I will always be trying to help people. Always will be there for people.

And I'm lucky as hell to have people who are there for me.

I have friends....So many friends....

And people who love me with all their hearts. When you think about it, I'm one of the luckiest girls in the world.

I've travelled the world.

Have loved and lost more than I care to admit.

I've written novels.

Written countless trillion poems.

Saw amazing things.

Grew up in a house of luxury.

And I have an amazing boyfriend who worships me, a family online that has spread across the globe, a beautiful girl who adores me, and countless friends who are there for me whenever I need them to be.

I am beyond lucky.

And I need to remind myself of that.

I've come far but I need further. I need more.

And I will get more.

I'm not going to let the past drag me down loves....

I'm going to move on past it.

Into the future, wherever the future will be.

This is Angel signing off with a grin and a middle finger.

Au revior my beautiful ones!

~~kdjnfvdjfncjb cj: hdnbjcbsdfvjbfe~~

Me again world, deciding to sloop back into blogging for a nice little quickie. As you can see, I'm not too deeply inclined on formulating my thoughts, so I'll just give you a handful of little snippets...

Sun-Jung's geography class is doing the same style project as mine. It is weighted the same way. And her class somehow gets two weeks while mine is due tomorrow....WHAT THE HELL?

In drama class, we will get one rehearsal with all of our group members because one of them (who has not showed up to one rehearsal out of about a week's worth) will be in Ottawa. He also is the one with the most trouble remembering things. Again I say, WTH?

On the bridge today, as I read, I spotted on the bridge a single rock that was shaped somewhat like the profile of a man's face. I thought to myself, What if this represents mankind? What if we're balanced over a rushing river, death on either side, held completely still by fear despite rushing winds? What if... This is about when I throw the rock into the river.

It's almost nice not having a cellphone (got grounded from it for three days) because now I can actually focus on things and not worry about them.

My hair is a very nice purple.

I got the awesomest hat ever--NUKE A GAY WHALE FOR CHRIST is the slogan on it. ;D

I think I am ready for my exams. Everything but French at least...

I'm doing my French oral exam either Thursday or Friday. So I'll spend all of Wednesday night studying. I'll be ready enough for it, I know I will be.

I'm working on rereading the Warrior Prophet--the second novel of the Prince of Nothing Series. God it's good to get some actual me time in!

I oughta go on, I think Ian ain't doing well but....I can't do this right now. Not enough time!

I'm done printing off the last of my geography assignment, so this blogger is out for a while--peace!

~~Email Me Ya Idiots.--A Hai Post~~

HAI.

I am bored.

How are you?

Email me at annashadowlight@hotmail.ca.

Not planning on going on Facebook tonight--a ton of work I need to do kiddies.

And I also won't be going on chatango for a good while.

But I will respond to email.

So hit me up.

You know you want to.

HERE--HAVE SOME NINCOMPOOP FAIRIES FOR YOU TO LAUGH AT!

 

~~Thinking Too Far Ahead--A Worried (ish) Post~~

Well hello kiddies, tis me, Angel. Back to blogging after a while away.

How was my weekend, you ask? It was filled with love and lust--just like all my weekends have been lately. Filled with Ted and hope and forgotten pasts and proof of strength. And that's the best thing I could ever ask for. I'm hoping for heaven and expecting hell--who knows what the future holds, anyways?

I'm ready for it loves, even if it scares me.

And right now, I'm supposed to be working on geography and science, but I got stuck on thinking about universities and the future that's coming. Today, I was told to go through an issue of Maclean's 2012 Guide to Canadian Universities. And there are seven or eight universities I found, all of them far away, all of them small, that interest me. My top one is the University of Victoria, which offers insanely good writing workshops with everything I want from poetry to fiction to comic book creation and beyond, as well as what sounds like quite good entrepreneurship courses. And it's also easy enough to get in, and it's insanely beautiful as well. So it sounds like I'll like it there.

Only....

It's so very far away and I'll only be home for summer and maybe Christmas Break. What about Ted? What about everyone else here? Will I still be with them?

*Draws in a good, long breath, eyes shutting tightly.*

Fuck yes I will.

When the time comes, I will kiss Ted, hug him tightly, tell him I love him, hop in a plane or in a car, go to school, and come home to him again.

I won't leave him.

I won't leave any of them.

I'll keep my cell with me, not get involved with anyone too much romantically, and remember the love I have waiting for me back home. Ted and I will have been together for three or four years at that point--and I know that we will be able to last a lot longer. Him and I have a good deal in common, and we balance each other out very well. When we fall silent, we don't need to speak--what needs to be said is said in the touch of hands, of sheltering arms, of puppy dog whimpers and begging looks (I have no pride....) and gentle kisses. We can curl up together with horror movies, Halo, assorted animes, and odd YouTube videos. We can laugh and dance and give each other eyes filled with hidden meanings--love and lust and lifetime promises. We are each other's biggest dreams and biggest desires.

And I won't let him go.

Not for anyone.

Not for anything.

I'm fifteen freaking years old, with a lifetime ahead of me and a lifetime behind me.


I have gone further in fifteen years than many ever will.

And I will keep right on going, and I choose to take him with me....

So to hell with distance--I'm his.

I'm his.

But I'm thinking too far ahead aren't I? I always do that....Worry over nothing. And it's not healthy for me to do.

I love you kiddies, for all eternity, I love you....

Now I shall get back to work on my stuff :3

Au revior!