~Happy New Year: A Surprise Post~

Hello, everyone! We are now officially counting down to 2015, and I last dropped in on all of you way back in 2013....

And, I have to say, I'm very pleased to be talking with you all again. I'm honestly not sure if anyone will ever see this--even though I'm apparently still getting views for some...odd reason (I love you, whoever is reading this)--but I wanted to say hello to all of you anyways.

I think I want to catch you up.

I've made bad mistakes since we last spoke--because, hey, that's how I roll. I still hang around with guys a bit too old for me, and I've gone through wicked bad breakups. I went through a brief suicidal thing earlier this year (self esteem issues completely knocked me off my rocker), but, obviously, I got past it.

I got a bit of counseling. It helped. Made me face a couple of issues, and reinforced my own belief that I am fricken badass.

And I am pretty badass.

Who else has gone through stuff like me, and still come out rockin' it? And I have been doing so well...

I'm in what might be the greatest relationship of my life. I'm loving who I am. I'm writing again. I'm laughing. I'm doing amazingly.

If it wasn't for my darling man, I wouldn't be as happy (or as sleep-deprived) as I am now.

His name's V. I've known him for....holy cripes, three years or more. I mean, he's been around a long time.

Hey, probably longer than y'all have. It's actually really incredible, to know I'm so accepted by him.

Always, always so accepted. He walked me through when my last boyfriend treated me horribly, wrecked my self esteem, manipulated me, THEN left me for another girl....Yeah, V uh...

V is kind of a god for stickin' round through all of that, and honestly? He's been in love with me for all these years. I have cared about him, too, but I was always bouncing through relationships. V....He just remained a constant. He was there. There through Ian, through everyone. Everyone.

I love him. I finally see it--through all of those years, when he's been my silent bit of calm in a storm of emotions and depression, I've loved him right back. In my own desperate, needing, blinded way--I've loved him.

I'm glad I can finally see that.

He and I plan on closing the distance, getting a house together, finding some other members of our relationship group. (He and I are polyamorous). Well, that won't happen til after I graduate from my dream university for my undergrad (the very same university I got early acceptance AND a 3,000 dollar renewable scholarship to), and (hopefully) get into the Master's Program at the university near him. Note--I'm going to be an archivist. Think the offspring of a museum curator and a librarian. I will get to deal with toxic mold.

So, I would like to say I've been really well.

I've missed all of you.

Well....

Where else to find me?

The Facebook page for my book-in-progress, and my website. My website has a ton of new stuff, including the novel I'm working on currently. As well as more stuff besides.

I've missed you guys....

I really have.

So, I....

I think I will leave you with this.

You will see me again--this...this I swear to you.

With love,

The Half-Mad Writer A. H. Wong.

~~People are STILL Viewing This?--Life Post~~

Guys, here...

Have the blog link for my new one.

My new chapters of life.

I love you. We had a good run....But now, go there for my life!

~~This is the End.~~

So much that needs to be said

When all that this can do is be read

I wish you could hear my voice

As I tell you my final choice

This blog is going to end

And a new site shall take its place

Whether I give you the link or not, my friend

Will determine whether or not I save face

I'm sick of the world knowing my agony

And knowing the disease that beats inside

I want somewhere new, without memory

Somewhere it's safe to hide

Maybe you'll stumble upon it?

Or maybe I'll just fade away?

Either way, this blog will likely not stay

For very long, past the creation of the next

This new one will be recovery

Of the broken angel

The lovely little girl seeking sympathy

That you all give so well

Actually, I think I will give you the link

I'll put the link after this poem

After all the pain, the recovery will now be written in black ink

Upon white--why not show them?

Why not show the world

The secret side of me?

As my wings are unfurled

And I am blown out to sea?

~~When the Skies Bleed White~~

When the screams fade

And the storms break

When the sun shines

And the world begins

 

Don't forget there's someone there

Someone who can always care

I'm the girl who can love you

And I'm the one who will matter

 

Marry me, if you think you must

Hold me tight if you think you can

Keep me close and love me

Unless you think you can't

 

Marry me would you?

Because I need someone too

Someone to keep me close

When the entire world ends.....

 

When the sky bleeds white

And the winds start to blow

I will be alone

But I will be okay.

~~I Don't Understand~~

You said you knew what was best for me

Was it really making me love you?

Was making me hurt, even if I never admitted the pain

What was best for me in your eyes?

You know the life I've led

And you know how far I've been thrown

And how far back up I've had to fly

Did you really think that this

That making me love someone I can't touch

I can't hold, and listen to, and kiss

Was best for me?

Please, don't forget the kind of man

I know you to be

You're so much better than you'll ever let yourself see

Just like I am

You're my shadowed light--and I'm yours

Can we remain that way, somehow?

Even if we're only friends, can we still say I love you?

Even if we never kiss again, can I hold you?

You know....

I don't understand

How strongly I feel for you

And how strongly I'm hurt

By being made to go make myself a cheater again

After I finally believed myself to be honest....

Oh, hun.....

I still love you

And you know I won't ever stop loving you

Please, please don't let me be

Don't let me ever be alone

For when I'm alone

I can no longer fly

And I can no longer shine

Be the one I hurt the most

If you think you can take it

Be the one watching on the sidelines

If you think you have to

Be the one I long to have

But can never touch

If we both think you're able to

As long as you be mine

I think it's all okay....

I love you.

Forever and a day.

~~You May Need to Hold Me Tight~~

So many years pass

Since the last time I stood

Upon the shores

Of a different continent

A land so far and fine

Egypt, I miss thee

With every beat of this sand-cleansed heart

I miss thee

And one day I'll return

And travel your sands again

But I won't be alone I promise

I'll be with my friends

And family~~

~~Reality of the Beloved~~

I'm not going to bother this time

With making life make sense

Nor do I have the time to spare

To let me say goodbye

I'm not going to let you go

Because you always knew I couldn't

At least, I hope you know

I really hope you know

You're the only one I missed

When I ran so far away

I'm broken inside, but that's just fine

I thought I'd be okay if I had you

But I guess I was wrong

And I had to go away

In defence of the heart you all swear is gold

When I can only see the tarnish

This is my reality

This is my life

This is the girl I am

And I think I'm doing fine

I'm removing the walls

A little piece at a time

And while I wish I could go back

And make this thing rhyme

I think it came out alright

For my first poem in a while

So I think I'll leave you be

And write another one....