~~This Time It's Different by Evans Blue~~

Language Barriers?

Thursday, April 19, 2012

~~A Reason Behind The Curtain~~

So I sit across from him
In the library
Exhausted, but curious
He looks, into my eyes
And he asks
A simple question:
"Kiddo, what do you
"Think we're living for?"
I pause, before giving
Him my usual answer:
"I live to help
"Others. To seek
"Happiness, hope, dreams.
"I live to remember,
"And never repeat,
"The past. I live to prepare
"For the future. I live
"For my friends, for their safety.
"I live, dear friend, to drink coffee."
He laughs at my speech, grinning
Widely, as if
He was a snake
And I a witless bird
"Kiddo, that is just
"Your noble speech
"You are like me--you live
"Without a reason. Too damned bullheaded
"To die. Too lazy
"To take a gun
"Deep throat it
"Pull the trigger
"And snuff it."
I glared at him
Did he truly believe that?
That we're just
Living for the dying?
With no purpose
Or will to be better?
I could see how
He lived that way:
His grades kept at a
Barest minimum
Just enough to keep
His parents off his back
His hundreds of hobbies

Countless projects began
And left untouched

His flurry of
Agitated motion
His heady blur
Of logic and prayer
Everything seeming
To be important
But none of it mattering
He grins
As he watches
The knowledge
Of him
Spring into my mind
He grins
As the realizations
Hit my mind
And pick at
My carefully crafted
And then
He rams
"Now, kiddo
"Take a look at me
"I live for nothing
"And I'll die
"Exactly the way
"That I have lived.
"I have
"No purpose
"No greater reason.
"I've spent this life
"A'wandering. Looking
"For a reason, or just
Taking up time
"Until I can call
"It quits? I don't really know.
"God knows I've led
"One hell of a life.
"Done some crazy things
"Fell in love
"Time and time again.
"Always said I'd relax
"Stop this game
"And sure I ain't proud
"Of all the things I've done
"But it doesn't matter now
"Never did, and it never will.
"We're all dead meat."
I stare at him
As my traitorous mind
Begins to carefully erect
The connections
He grins, and continues
"I hate to say this, kiddo, but
"We're one and the same.
"You speak of love
"Of things pretty and bright, of
"A greater purpose. Some
"Greater reason. Well
"For someone who doesn't
"Believe in God, God knows
"You speak a lot of him.
"You speak, so nobly
"Of loving, saving, helping.
"Oh kiddo, admit it.
"You really don't care.
"All of it is an act, ain't it?
"You live to die
"Just like me.
"And I won't presume
"To be the one
"Who shatters your mask.

"But at least I'm the one
"Who cares enough to notice

"That you're wearing one."
I close my eyes

He was right, of course.
I was so very good
So very kind
But only because
That was who
I wanted my self to be
I was nothing but a fake
Just like the rest
Of mankind
But I was also a fake
With the desire
For the truth:
"So if there
"Is no reason, then why
"Do we exist in the first place?"
He grins at my question
"Because we do.
"We as a species exist
"To fuck up, mess up, pretty up
"The world around us.
"Well listen up, kiddo
"I've got info for ya:
"There ain't no greater reason
"There ain't no greater power
"There ain't some old
"Wizened man
"Behind the curtain.
"There ain't no God.
"No so-called 'Creator.'
"We exist because we
"Want to, and we want to
"Because we're all bloody fools.
"There's no reason kiddo.
"But if you've gotta have a God
"Then make this whole
"Piece of shit world
"Into your God.
"We as humans
"Have more power
"To effect, ruin, and destroy
"This entire freaking world
"Than anything before us."
I sighed, and closed my eyes tighter

Not wanting his world view
To throw mine

Into disarray
He grins

And leaves me there alone
With my thoughts.

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